A Brussels Sprout Kind of Love

Posted Under: life, love, men, relationships, women

I love. Hard. I’m not saying that I love hard to make it appear that I am perfect when it comes to love, but I believe that when you live in the void of it, when it comes or when what appears like love comes, you endeavor to do everything in your power to keep it. I’m just being honest. You write poetry, buy dinner, get coiffed to perfection. Sometimes you still lose it anyway, and what you thought was love and that blanket word we put on so many things because we want it to sound pretty is uncovered. We find out that what we thought was love, was really something else.

It was good conversation and you want it to go on forever so, you labeled it love in the hopes that it would continue. It was a mere fascination, and just like a bug under a microscope you watch it for awhile and when it stops fascinating you, you or he both move on to something else. Or maybe it was like. You can “like” someone, want to spend time with them and do exclusive things together and it never develop into love. Love doesn’t just appear because we want it to; sometimes its not there because its not supposed to be there. We fashion pairs or couples in our mind and are so eager to add love to the equation. Love doesn’t just show up on demand. And sometimes what we feel or what others feel for us is a sexual attraction. I mean, the sap in the trees rise in the spring and we react the same way. Our nature rises and before you know it, spring has you thinking that this person you’ve met should be spread across freshly baked bread and eaten sparingly—taking no thought to the fact that he may not be good for you at all.

There’s nothing wrong with an attraction or any of the other things I’ve mentioned, but at some point it needs to develop into something meaningful or else you have to leave it alone. Easier said than done, especially in a world where we are all searching or desiring. Fact is that we oftentimes want things and people who are no good for us. We want what we want and not necessarily what or who will do or treat us well and it takes us more than a minute to learn that and I’ve learned that “age” has absolutely nothing to do with how quickly we learn that lesson. A bowl of Brussels sprouts and a bowl of French vanilla chocolate swirl ice cream side by side. You choose. Ice cream tastes good and may be the obvious attraction, but you can’t live on it. The veggies? Well, even topped with butter they give your body the nutrients you need to grow, think clearly and send essential vitamins to rejuvenate the rest of you. But just like with choosing those we love, we don’t always want the best bet—the best choice—the best option. Some of us can’t love unless there is pain involved—either us doing the hurting or choosing those that on some level we know will hurt us. We don’t feel like we’re part of something if the man or woman isn’t making us suspiciously second-guess ourselves. “Did (s)he really mean that?”

Back to my point. I love hard. It took years to realize the things and people that were good for me. It took me awhile to stop hurting and pushing away people I knew I loved too or loved me—friends, family and lovers. I’ve loved men hard who were no good for me from the moment they escaped their moma’s womb and took their first breath though, so, it wasn’t always me doing the hurting. But those are the kinds I was drawn to. I can’t call them losers; they were for somebody else I’m sure (even if I can’t see how) but just not for me.

A man who sits in a tree outside my house waiting to see if I come home with someone else is not for me. A man who thinks that a gun to my head is better than a heart to heart sit down conversation is not for me. A man who buys a fake badge and handcuffs just to perpetuate the lies he’s told about what he does for a living is not for me. A man who steals $5.00 out of my wallet because he still has 2 days left until payday INSTEAD of asking is not for me. A man who will take all the sex he can get but wants no parts of love or couplehood, again—is not for me. A man who gets tired of adding to my gift or won’t celebrate my gift and hasn’t read from cover to cover ANYTHING I’ve ever written, uh, not for me. And a man who treats someone he says he loves like furniture—is so definitely not for this woman here.

Now, call me crazy, but it’s almost like someone read my 300 things about me, because I’m getting midnight drives to nowhere where I get fastened in with my seatbelt first, walking on the beach and through the grass, sweet red wine, sunsets and sunrises, poetry recited, roses, voicemail messages just to hear my voice and deep spiritual conversations that evoke tears. Everything isn’t a lavishing of praise, but even the missteps and corrections are handled in love. Finally I feel like I’m giving all of myself to Brussels sprouts instead of a bowl of ice cream or rather something that is good for me. I just thank the God of Heaven that I didn’t allow myself to become so jaded that I couldn’t see the real thing when it arrived with its hand extended, ready to escort me to the ball. I mean, its up to us. There’s a time for love, a time for like and a time for “I’ll think about it”. We just have to know the difference, so that when we love hard, we aren’t just dishing our love out to someone who is coming to us with a hole in their bowl and allow our love to spill and waste itself all over the floor. I’m sure you have your own stories. Share if you feel so inclined. We’re all learning and growing here.

B.O.O.T.Y. Calls - Remixed

Posted Under: friendship, life, men, naked, women

by guest blogger Ms. Jayy

In one of my recent posts, I made mention of being in a bit of a mood that was lifted in part by…a “booty call” and I left folks hanging so, I thought I’d set the record straight. I love wordplay, to put a little twist on things. This case is no different. I have the most amazing friends in the world, including some folk that I can call anytime, day or night, when I need an ear, a verbal thump upside the head, etc. Someone that I can call late in the midnight hour and say, “Ok, I know I’m probably being silly about this but…”

One of those people is my friend whom we shall call “Voice”. I dubbed my late night chat sessions with him as a “booty call”. Why? Cause generally they involve me calling and saying, “OK, I’ve gotten my a** in deep and I don’t know how to get out.” See? A**. Booty. Call. Telephone. Um…antywho….

Ok, let me explain. See. What had happened was…“It was a dark and stormy night…” Seriously, it was about 1:30am when I let my fingers do the walking.

Voice: “Hey You. Hmmm. 1:30am. Is this a booty call?”
Me: “You could say that…”
Voice: “Interesting. “A” booty call…or “our” booty call?”
Me: “Our”
Voice: “Dayum. A’ight. What’s what?”
Me: “blah blah blah” *sniffle* ‘blahdity blahdity blah” *SIGH*
Voice: “Hmmm…Ok….Breathe….Did you…do you…think about…” à checks me in a nice way – this time

There are similarities between what most folks know as “booty calls” and these calls with my friends:

1. Generally they occur late at night, undercover of dark (physically dark and emotionally)
2. When the phone rings (or in this day and age, the text message is received) and you check caller ID, you know what’s up
3. Because you know what’s up, you don’t have to deal with all the formalities, all the niceties - “How was your day?”, “How’s your fam?”, “Is it raining there?” No you can just…um…get down to it.
4. Some level of nudity is required – the more, the better (think EMOTIONAL nudity people. Sheesh!)
5. Both parties know the rules of engagement:

a. Hit it…and…quit it.
b. No strings attached.
c. Bring the intensity
d. Go hard. Go deep.
e. Keep your feelings out of it.
f. Don’t try to make it out to be more than what it is
g. Sometimes it’s just your turn to deal with the wet spot (tears people, TEARS)

So, there I was, on the initiating end of “a booty call” cause I was wrestling with some things and getting my butt whipped. After a rather intense session, all the kinks had been worked out, the pressure had been released and I was ready to face the world again. End of the call? Went a little something like this:

Voice: “You straight?”
Me: “Mmm…yes.”
Voice: “Um, J…?”
Me: “Hmm?”
Voice: “You sure this can’t be ‘A’ booty call?” *Laughing*
Me: “You stupid. No, it’s not that kinda party. Besides, you are what, 1500 states away?” *laughing, feeling so VERY sure of myself*
Voice: “J – you called my cell Baby Girl. I’m about an hour away.”

That’s when I fainted.

That’s also where the story ends. For YOU. *wink*

Live DELICIOUSLY!

J

Visit the dazzling MsJayy at: www.JackieYoungWrites.com/blog.

Virtual Dating - Is It For You?

Posted Under: men, relationships, women

by guest blogger Shelia M Goss

The internet has become the new way to meet people; whether looking for a casual or long-term relationship. Although dating is dating, virtual dating adds an extra element. There are pros and cons to virtual dating.

Pro - You get to learn a few things about the person before meeting them in person.
Con - The person on the other end of the computer may not be who they say they are.

Pro - Both parties are given a chance to be attracted to the inner beauty and not be blindsided by the person’s physical attributes.
Con - A picture or description can be fabricated and what you see when you actually meet might not be who you envisioned.

Pro - You don’t have to leave the comfort of your home.
Con - It can be anti-social and you won’t be able to see how the other person acts in a social setting.

Overall when it comes to virtual dating safety is important. Although you may chat, instant message, etc. on a daily basis, in reality you still don’t know the person. If you decide to meet in person, someone close to you should have all of the other person’s information just in case something happens. I would even suggest that not only do you meet in a public place but take a friend along with you (even if the friend sits at another table).

Beware, the person on the other end of the computer screen can be whoever they want to be while hiding behind a screen name.

Virtual dating doesn’t always mean real! Virtual dating can be fun, but it can’t replace face to face interaction.

Shelia M Goss writes women’s fiction. She’s the Essence Magazine Bestselling author of My Invisible Husband, Roses are thorns, Violets are true and Paige’s Web. For more information, visit www.sheliagoss.com or www.myspace.com/sheliagoss.

Was Freud Right?

Posted Under: love, men, relationships, women

Freud says that our instinct towards love for a person or an object is to treat it badly. Hmmm. Freud was a cokehead—I mean he had a serious cocaine addiction. Yet he claimed to know why we do what we do when he couldn’t even control or fully understand his own addiction. What are your thoughts, not on Freud but about treating something we love badly. Honestly, if we did would we tell anybody? I remember having a toy rolling pin as a girl and I took it everywhere. I cherished it so much I broke it. Is that what he’s talking about? Perhaps, but I don’t for a second believe that I was treating it badly.

I mean I’m putting myself out there because in no way shape or form do I mean to or intend to paint this pristine picture of a perfect woman. I’m not that—I’m just striving. I know I’ve done things. Questionable things. I’ve treated guys badly, friends badly and have regretting allowing myself to give my attention to people who didn’t deserve it and never should have gotten past hello. But where does it stop, where does it end? I mean, it seems like a sick cycle. We show interest in a person only to ruin their lives. You plead with me to understand that you’re different, and I give you a chance, but you hurt me and I hurt the next him and he hurts the next her and then she beats her teenage kid and her kid goes and has sex and gets pregnant and her boyfriend beats her so when he leaves she beats the baby because—well, there’s nobody else to take it out on. I don’t know. We live in a dirty and grime-filled world. Is anybody home in our hearts? Can anybody hear me now? (((helloooo))).

Miss Jones vs. Miss New York and Other Stuff

Posted Under: celebs, women

I’ve been slacking with my blog trolling. I’m trying to play catch up as I take a break from promoting my book. I don’t know how I missed the Miss Jones versus Miss New York thingy. They were going at it like two cats in a bag. That happens of course when you have two strong, loud, uncouth personalities. What I would’ve really liked to hear was a conversation between Miss New York and the Tango the Tan Man. I’m sorry but I was feeling him from the beginning. He’s got just enough gentleman in him for my taste. I bet that a conversation between them after he dumped her on national tv and brought her to tears was firey. She probably backtracked to Chance who I used to have on my top 24 on Myspace and now dude is MISSING IN ACTION. Miss New York is still up there doing her Myspace thing and so is his brother Real, but I think Chance may seriously be nursing a broken heart y’all. He did everything short of run on the stage and carry her into the sunset. This of course positions her for I Love New York 2. I wonder if any of the men will get their own spin-off shows. Hmmm. Oh and in an interesting reality show payoff twist, I heard that, the Charm School house was formerly the I Love New York house. However, after filming of this series ended, Tiffany Pollard (New York) was given the house to keep. Aint that some *bleep*! Flipping up your dress has it perks. *lol*