8 Hateful Things Women Do To Each Other
August 6, 2008 – 7:54 amPosted Under: women
I can count my “really good” female friends on one hand. One reason is because I don’t spread myself thin trying to befriend everybody. When I included this article in one of my newsletters I realized these 8 points are the reasons that I can count my “really good” female friends on one hand. This article was written by Norka Blackman-Richards
It’s become the silent emotional killer among women. Women who are downright mean, malicious and disrespectful with each other. This trend is creating havoc in our relationships with each other, for it strikes the core of sisterhood. Real sisterhood can only exist when respect and trust stand unshakeable. In this particular, most men are quite opposite to us. For a man, a brother is a brother is a brother. However, what is most disturbing about our malicious ways is that we are passing on a legacy of a broken sisterhood to our daughters. Girls that are mean and catty are usually this way because their understanding is that this is a normal part of femaleness. They grow up to become mean and catty women who perpetuate a diseased sisterhood. To break this cycle we each need to make a conscious effort to validate all women. Be they our friends or not. Otherwise, we will continue to find ourselves moving within circles of female hostility, suspicion, and pain. Here is my list of the most detestable practices that we need to discontinue in order to heal our sisterhood:
1. Talking about each other - You are really not her friend if what you have to say about her is so bad you can’t say it in front of her. If you are a real friend you should be able to tell her your concerns for her life to her face. If you have the need to tell others, but you haven’t found the time to tell her - red lights should be flashing. Believe it or not, gossiping is not an intrinsic part of being female. Women who gossip do it not because it’s a woman-thing, but because they want to elevate themselves and put other women in a place of inferiority. Gossiping is just another symptom of deeper insecurities.
Princess Note: AMEN to that! So many people tell others and qualify their actions by saying, “I’d tell her to her face” but if you are telling someone else INSTEAD of her, umm, you’re insecure honey, no matter how much your shoes and your designer purse costs.
2. Fighting for men - One of the most undignified things that any woman can do is to fight, argue, or curse another woman over a man. It’s a disgusting trend that used to be a school girl thing, but today adult women are doing it too. If both of you are in conflict - because his choice is not clear - then that means that he’s really not into any of you. He’s probably playing both of you. That man really does not deserve love or attention from either one of you. Let him go.
Princess Note: This is a disgusting trend and so many women can’t see that if you are not his choice, you need to move on in life and find something to be happy about instead of walking around looking sour just so someone can ask you what’s wrong and give you an invitation to rehash the whole sordid dilemma.
3. Joining female gangs - Women who make you feel unwelcome and unwanted within their circle of friends are not to be trusted. Women cliques have become common in the workplace, at church, in the neighborhood. Cliques are the dwelling place of insecure women. Women who join cliques are seeking
refuge from their own lack of confidence by cocooning themselves within this circle of supposed exclusivity. Again, the need to belong to, or be part of a clique is also a sign of deeper insecurities. Beware, cliques are usually encouraged and thrive on a type of gang mentality.
Princess Note: Me personally have never found the need to be a part of a clique, be it in church or anywhere else. I don’t understand this mindset at all.
4. Undermining each other - Beware of any woman who can never celebrate your accomplishments with you. It could be a new boyfriend, a promotion, an award, a new job, a new acquisition, weight loss. If she has nothing positive to say to you about it, does not show emotional support, or chooses to remain silent she is not a true friend. Real friends know how to recognize and genuinely rejoice for our successes with pride.
Princess Note: I’ve had women who “said” they were a friend know that I’ve accomplished something and I’d get a dry “congrats!” or something equally un-inthusiastic. I don’t need a sign from God to tell me that they’re not really a friend and never were.
5. Competing against each other - You need to get this straight. There will always be another woman with nicer hair, a more caring husband or boyfriend, better behaved children, a better paying job, a bigger house, a more fashionable wardrobe - there will always be some woman with more of what you don’t have. Consequently, the only person that you need to compete against is yourself. Strive to be the best that you can be - for you. Competing against other women to prove yourself superior is a financial and emotional
drainer. Because of this mindless competition we become mean, envious and hypocritical. It is pointless.
Princess Note: I couldn’t imagine wasting time trying to one-up another woman when I can be using that same time to walk on the beach, read a good book or cuddle and watch an awesome movie with my husband.
6. Disrespecting boundaries - To survive peacefully every relationship and every friendship must have clear boundaries. Good relationships operate within margins of respect. Within this level of respect, privacy and
intimacy are keywords. Yes, you are my friend, but that doesn’t give me the right to walk into your bedroom or your kitchen, unbeknownst to you, and help myself to your stuff. I don’t do this not because you won’t allow me to, but because I respect your privacy and your things. Consequently, we both need to know and respect each other’s levels of privacy and intimacy.
Princess Note: You know, I don’t think I even have to tackle this one. My space is mine, if you don’t respect that, you’ll know this isn’t a ball game because you won’t get three strikes–once honey and that’s a wrap.
7. Crossing boundaries - This is similar to the above, the only difference is that my respect of your boundaries should never depend on my friendship with you. We need to respect women for the simple fact that they are women. If she is a woman she is a sister. Period. Therefore, from that understanding I will have the utmost respect for her children, her man, her opinions, her choices, and for her as a person. It amazes me how women are quick to disrespect another sister’s boundaries, but feel offended if another woman does to them the same exact thing. Honestly, that type of inconsistent behavior can only be credited to some form of mental illness.
Princess Note: I know so many people who don’t adhere to this, they routinely disrespect people who they know are in a relationship with someone else. Whether it’s a term of endearment or begging for lunch in a sneaky way ie. “You didn’t bring me any?” Don’t expect someone else’s husband to foot the bill for your daily muffin and coffee from the joint account–his wife won’t appreciate it.
8. Exploiting our friendships - This is a major one. Why are you friends? Do you only remember her being around whenever she could get something from you? It doesn’t even have to be material. It could just be your time or your positive energy. Does she happen to be always on the receiving side, with you dishing out ton loads of yourself or your stuff? Or is she your friend because of what you represent? It could be that your husband’s position or yours, your possessions, your talent, whatever, represents some form of achievement. Is she a friend because that link to you places her on a higher platform? In a real friendship appreciation, support, and loyalty must be reciprocal.
Princess Note: Thankfully the leaches are gone out of my life. I shook off the haters too.
